gracias señora

i used to wander.
i acknowledged but wasnt acquainted.
i spoke to myself but couldnt talk.
i had the liberties but wasnt free.
i thought but couldnt decide.
i was curious but disinterested.
i could grasp but couldnt hold.
i was optimistic but careless.
i was my favorite underdog.
i was deceptively reliable.
i competed with myself and lost.
i knew the answers but there were no questions.
i was someone.

u complete me to myself.

u dream

u breathe

u believe

u choose

u care

u enjoy

u express

u explore

u expect

u feel

u hear

u hope

u kiss

u like

u love

u listen

u live

u miss

u see

u smile

u say

u speak

u talk

u think

u trust

u try

u treasure

u walk

u wonder

u dream.

Humlog!

Been down this road before.. Here we go again!

Its a beautiful mosaic: different people, different yearnings, different dreams, Still, something common. And thats the beauty! And we all love it.. be it the gossip and rumour mills, or reading others' letters or personal diaries! We move like shifting sand, agree and disagree.. if everyone writes a book on the same thing, i can promise they will all be different, there will be better ones, but no bad ones. That reminds me.. some of us like reading, some like music, some like art or games.. those are just manners of our expressions. So we all like us and make each other think. The prejudice though, arises when theres lack of time, interest to gather the others' thoughts. Still there are some instant clicks, exploring the delight of which is what we all live for.. yep, compatibility is the word. And then there are those which need time and effort. And ofcourse, all fit into both!! If you dont agree with me here, i am all ears. Its just cos you dont realise.. try living alone!

Anyways, this is long enough for a restart here, I gotta rush.. need to read a lot. And its not books!

Plan

"To organize a series of actions to achieve a specified outcome."
"Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential."
"No battleplan survives contact with the enemy. It only helps you survive."
"Ae suno, plan... Plan ek ghadi hai, swiss watch... Watch ke purze, yaani hum, perfect to ghadi bhi perfect... Tick tock, tick tock... Varna vohi watch saala bomb banke hum sab ko.. boom! Samjhe kya.. Haan to main kya keh raha tha, plan.. Ek baar aur... PLAN." ;)

I just...

I am thinking about... what to and what not to write here!
I said... nothing at all!
I am... late!
I want to... have twins as girlfriends!
I wish... i wasnt as lazy!
I love... myself!

I hate... being hated!
I cry... watching kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!
I laugh... at myself!

I hear... when people scream!
I wonder... if its worth!

I play... fair!
I regret... not waking up early today!
I confuse... the good and the bad!
I fear... losing all my hair!

I dance... Shakira... here i come!(read : when drunk)
I sing... with the headphones on!
I am not always... forgiving!
I write ... decent bullshit!
I need... money!

I know... this one is total opposite of the last post!

Stumbling on happiness

it is more than a fortnight since i typed here last time. the food i just cooked tastes okay like always, nothing wrong or too great about it, and like always i dont know how exactly i did it. life too is going just like my cooking experiments. so, whats all this about? i got no idea. is everything way too normal or just that my taste buds have forgotten to call anything delicious? yes, happiness is the word. nobody is sad here but i think somebody is just not able to make out if he s happy or not! as i dig deep, i think whoever said that happiness is nothing more than good health and bad memory was an idiot. i ve been an idiot too. whats correct about happiness is everyone is looking for it, living for it. we all live with the objective of being happy, our lives are all different and yet the same. we all want the dopamine to be transmitted here there and everywhere. druggies do it with morphine and call it nirvana! but it cant happen only by being a professional ace or loads of money or only by having the greatest girl or only by winning a game you play. success is not the key to happiness. happiness is the key to success. gandhi was impressive when he said that happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. yes, well said. otherwise he d be just another bald guy. no more quotes, for it is impossible to define or contain this human emotion in words. it is way too pure, too true, stretches way beyond everything.. be it wishes, hope, freedom, love.. taken together. infact its too big to continue to search for what it consists of. and ofcourse i am feeling better.. and hungry.. and happy.

Woohoo!

Aw, Yeah!

Good Morning

waking up one morning

when the sun wasnt yet shining

admiring the orange sky i thought

was it worth for which i fought?



the birds had barely started their flight

for soon there was to be light

but all was lost under a cloud cover

gone were the heavens, hell had taken over



big raindrops fell to the ground

there was havoc all around

as the eyes saw the dreams being shattered

the heart mourned the end of all that mattered



the prayers to the gods didnt go wrong

wind was sent to blow the clouds along

all loved the wonderful sight

i moved on, searching for another fight.

convention?¿¿

i do have a thing of recalling some lines which i overheard someday, somewhere, doing something, just like that. n i do have a thing of pondering over those lines when i m doin nothing (read: all the time). like one of the most impressive ones being ''the only generalisation is that theres no generalisation." spending some time over this one actually changed the whole picture for me. it has a sense of feedom behind it. i find it universal, omnipresent in every situation. may be its got to do with the fact of being the foolishly flexible person i am, but its always there. its led me wanting to do uncommon things which sometimes has also landed me in a soup! but still, i do believe that 'change is the only constant' or 'change of plans is always the basic plan in life.' see.. toldya.. i do recall such lines!

aah one more.. the deeper urdu cousin..

"barsaat ka baadal to deewana hai kya jaane

kis raah se bachna hai kis chhat ko bhigona hai"

desktop

here, i aint talkin about the lappie desktop but the real one. just idle n playing with my phone cam, with the distant dream here being to buy a good SLR someday, i just clicked one n posting it here for they always say visual medium is the best to communicate n i do believe pictures can say better than a bad writer's words.

comin to the pic, despite the poor resolution, it still captures all of my life at the moment. first things first, the laptop shows a pink floyd wallpaper. each of the paint covered pretty girls displaying an album of the only musicians.. just the albums.. girls otherwise are not there outside the picture in any form these days! the lappie itself is something without which i ll be handicapped.. be it my dose of music, cricket matches, lectures n the boring internet which features nonsense blogs like this one. n i hate to admit being sick of this sitting all day lifestyle. the big black coffee mug is the best thing out here.. always worth a refreshing refill. again, neither the cam nor the clicker s good enough to capture the steam flowing out of it. as i have a sip i think the book here is the one which is the toughest to deal with. each page of it is about a tonne if its a must to go thru it before flipping forward to the next one. yes.. books always ve been the rate limiting factor. then theres the lamp showering its light and i aint good enough with words to describe that. it simply is way too much.. sometimes intense, sometimes just a glimmer but always bright. i hope that too has a meaning.

sadly, thats about it.

the pic tho cant tell u the music playin.. no prizes.. its floyd sayin...

"ticking away the moments that make up a dull day

u fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.. ..

p.s: i wish the pic was as colorful as the pens in the penstand actually are.

how do i start?

umm.. well.. lets see..

starting something has never been my strong point. n u know that by reading just the first two lines. i think i should start from the start by talking about why the start. m standing here at a point where i dont actually feel like standing. been here, like this, stuck for a long time. so long that i ve become used to it and used to hating it way too badly for any emotion a human can bear. everytime i ve tried to get moving, i felt the glue below my shoes grow stronger. what is it? what is stopping me? why m i doing things which i know i shouldnt be doing? i feel this every second i do these things. n so its not a pleasant feeling doing em anymore. it never was. the clock is ticking.. i ve been lagging in the rat race thinking that its just a rat race. i feel i m really late but its not too late. yeah... the only saving grace is that i was born confident. and so somehow, somewhere deep within i still think if i m a running rat, i can be the winning rat. but then.. starting something has never been my strong point.